


In Pursuit of Justice

by Rocky_T



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-19
Updated: 2013-08-19
Packaged: 2017-12-24 00:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/932980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocky_T/pseuds/Rocky_T
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at possible repercussions for Janeway from the 'Equinox Incident'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Of all Janeway's actions in the Delta Quadrant, the only one I found myself incapable of justifying was the 'incident' with Noah Lessing in the cargo bay during "Equinox." So I suppose it was inevitable that I would one day write this story (2004). 
> 
> Time frame: Our story begins six months after Voyager's return home.
> 
> Many thanks to Seema for her wonderful beta work and invaluable suggestions. Any remaining flaws are mine alone.

Janeway stared out the window as the words of her Judge Advocate General representative, Captain Simon Gaines, receded into a dull background buzz. The small office afforded a fine view of the grounds surrounding Starfleet Headquarters. Outside, a gentle breeze ruffled the trees, their branches in full bloom against a deep blue sky. Even after half a year on Earth, the simple daily rhythms of the planet's rotation, let alone the seasons with their weather and temperature fluctuations continued to fascinate Janeway. It was all so different from the cold unyielding stars in the endless night of space...

"Captain Janeway, are you listening?" The hint of irritation in Gaines' voice reminded her of the matter at hand.

She gave him an apologetic if perfunctory smile. "Of course. You're detailing the various approaches to take for my defense."

"I'm glad you're paying attention; a charge of attempted murder is no laughing matter." Janeway opened her mouth, but he waved her silent. "Even though the alleged crime took place years ago in the Delta Quadrant, the official records of the incident, not to mention several eyewitness, still exist. The logs and recollections of your senior officers, the victim himself--there's no disputing what transpired: you threatened to expose Ensign Noah Lessing to attack from the nucleogenic aliens, knowing such an act would almost certainly result in his death." 

Gaines' cool gray eyes met hers. He knew as well as she did that she hadn't stopped at threats, but had actually carried them out. 

"What we _can_ do, however, is offer a different interpretation of those events than the prosecution is going to present. One possibility is that you and Commander Chakotay arranged this 'ploy' in advance--"

"Playing 'good cop, bad cop' falls under the umbrella of coercion, and consequently would be considered unlawful," put in Lieutenant Jamie Perry a bit hesitantly. His very youthful appearance, combined with his tentative manner, did not inspire much confidence in Janeway. "Assuming that a state of war existed between Voyager and Equinox, the rules of engagement specifically say the military have an obligation to protect prisoners of war from torture, whether physical or mental, as well as death."

"As I was saying, it was a bluff, a simple interrogation tactic to get the information of Captain Ransom's whereabouts from Lessing," Gaines said, shooting Perry a warning look. He did not seem the type to take kindly to being interrupted, even by his assistant. "The only question is if Chakotay will go along with this."

"I'm quite sure he won't," Janeway said immediately. 

"Chakotay hasn't given a deposition yet," Gaines said, leaning forward. "There's a good chance he might support--"

Janeway held up her hand. "I can tell you right now it won't work. Chakotay heartily disapproved of my actions in the cargo bay, and he let me know in no uncertain terms." Unwillingly, she recalled their ugly confrontation afterward. "As punishment for disobeying my orders, I removed him from duty and had him confined to quarters."

Gaines' disappointment was obvious. "All right, we'll cross that option off for now, pending Chakotay's statement upon his return," he said, picking up another PADD.

"Chakotay may be facing issues of his own," Perry said, darting quick looks at Gaines. "Not because of something he did during the incident itself—he went by the book, questioned an unlawful order, objected on moral grounds, and tried to stop said action. It's what he _didn't_ do, namely report it to higher authorities."

"He never reported the incident due to Voyager's presence in the Delta Quadrant; communication with Starfleet Command was impossible," Gaines said, a bit testily. "He's certainly not going to be held liable."

"He had an obligation to report the incident once regular communication became possible via Pathfinder," Perry said, clearly uncomfortable with contradicting his superior officer but persisting nonetheless. "Or failing that, once Voyager arrived back at Earth." He paused for a moment. "Then again, he did record everything in his official logs so perhaps—"

Janeway lost the thread of their conversation as Gaines and Perry started debating technicalities, too startled by the suggestion that any of her crew could be held liable in the Equinox incident as well. 

She thought back to Gaines' earlier statements. "Return?" she asked. Both men looked at her. "You said something about 'after Chakotay's return.' Where is he?"

"He's off world, on his honeymoon," Perry said. 

Janeway nodded slowly. "I see." The news was hardly surprising, but her mouth still tightened at the reminder of how out of touch she was with the members of her former crew. 

In the months since Voyager's return, once the excitement died down, the crew had scattered, eager to pick up the threads of their former existence. The expected struggles over the Maquis and their questionable status had never materialized. After so many years away--and the massacre of most of the Maquis in the Alpha Quadrant during the Dominion War--full pardons were issued without much debate. The field commissions Janeway had granted were honored, and citations given for valorous acts above and beyond the call of duty. They were all hailed as returning heroes, which made the upcoming trial so difficult for her to comprehend. How did everything change so quickly?

Pushing those unwelcome thoughts from her mind, Janeway asked, "What else are you considering?" She took a sip from her now-cold coffee and put it down again with a grimace. Perry brought her a fresh cup at once, which she accepted gratefully.

"Our only other option is to plead not guilty by lack of mental responsibility," Gaines said. 

Janeway stared at him uncomprehendingly. "What did you say?"

"That you temporarily went around the bend due to the exigencies of life in the Delta Quadrant. Ransom's attack on Voyager, kidnapping members of your crew, disabling your defenses and leaving you open to attack by the aliens, was just too much." Gaines tapped his stylus thoughtfully. "It's too bad we don't have any hard medical evidence to support this contention, considering your Emergency Medical Hologram wasn't on board at the time, but I'm sure we can use previous episodes of depression, like your behavior in the Void as further proof--" 

"No," Janeway cut in, looking from one to the other of the officers. "There is no way in hell I'm going to plead insanity. It will ruin my career." 

"Your career is in shambles already," Gaines said brutally. "The odds against your ever commanding another ship again are astronomical." He let his words sink in for a moment. "But it can get worse. If you don't follow my recommendation, you could be facing even more severe consequences." 

"I'd rather go to prison."

"That's exactly what's going to happen." Gaines then tried again in a more reasonable tone of voice. "Captain, there is a stack of evidence that can and will be used against you. This is your only way out."

"I said no. I will not allow you to use that tactic in my defense." Janeway stood, her hands balled into fists on her hips. "Unless you want to have me declared incompetent to participate in my own case."

Gaines exchanged glances with Perry. "Well, Lieutenant, do you have anything to offer?" 

"Self-defense might be an option here," Perry said, almost stammering in his eagerness. "Captain Janeway is accused under Article 128 – assault – and self-defense is a viable defense if Lessing was apprehended under the reasonable grounds that the accused was about to suffer wrongfully from bodily harm, if she believed the force used against Lessing was necessary for protection from bodily harm, and the force used was less than reasonably likely to cause death or other grievous harm."

"As you know, the actual circumstances rule that out," Gaines said, somewhat impatiently. "Anything else?"

"What about defense of another?" Perry said. "The accused acted in defense of another person—in this case the crew of Voyager--provided that the force used was lawful. Lessing represented a danger to the ship, and the law states that if the accused believed someone would be harmed if she didn't act immediately – "

"The apprehension, the fear of imminent harm, must continue throughout the act, and so it doesn't apply here either," Gaines said. "Lessing was no longer capable of harming Voyager at that moment, and Janeway had every opportunity to avoid this line of interrogation." 

Perry looked suitably crushed. 

Gaines continued, "So you see, Captain, lack of mental responsibility is the only possible defense."

"Voyager was in a state of emergency, under attack by an enemy after having sustained severe damage and been rendered virtually defenseless by another Starfleet vessel," Janeway said, striving to keep her temper in check. "Why is this so hard for you to understand? Under the circumstances, I did what I had to do, because the safety of my crew and ship were at state. Some of those actions may have appeared harsh, but they were absolutely necessary." She took a deep breath. "Lessing's information about Ransom was crucial. I questioned him, tried reasoning with him, and then pressed him when he remained uncooperative." 

There was a long silence.

"That might work," Perry said at last to Gaines, not looking Janeway. "Focus on the war aspects, the extenuating circumstances."

"Torture of prisoners during interrogation is frowned upon, to put it mildly. Even in this post-war political climate." Gaines smiled briefly, but it didn't reach his eyes. "All right, Captain, we'll play it your way. For now."


	2. Chapter 2

Admiral Mishpat U'Tzedek, the presiding officer at the court-martial, picked up the small silver gavel and tapped three times on the podium. U'Tzedek was an Anjehelian, an avian species whose slender wings and delicate, almost ethereal features naturally gave rise to the common shortened form of their name. As U'Tzedek fixed her glowing red eyes on the defense table, Janeway started involuntarily. An angel of justice, not mercy. "Are you ready to begin, Captain Gaines?"

Gaines rose and addressed the panel of seven who would be deciding Janeway's fate. Janeway recognized only three of the officers, T'Lara, Lemech and Alexander Kaiser, who had been the ones to originally review the charges against her during the article 32 hearing and decide they warranted going to trial. The others—Getz, Serug and Tirkar—were unknown entities.

"I would like to begin by describing the exact circumstances Voyager found itself in," Gaines said, his deep voice resonating clearly throughout the chamber, "as well as provide background on the 'Spirits of Good Fortune' who played a key role in the Equinox's crimes, as well as the incident for which this trial is being held.

"On Stardate 53035.2, Voyager came across the badly damaged Equinox. Jubilant at finally seeing another Federation vessel after long years in the Delta Quadrant, Captain Janeway immediately offered aid and succor to Captain Ransom and his people, encouraged a free exchange of supplies, technology and even of personnel. She held nothing back, listened sympathetically as Ransom and his first officer, Commander Burke, explained how Equinox had been under almost constant attack by a particular species of aliens." Gaines paused for a moment. "But Ransom left out key details of his story, gave orders to keep Voyager's officers away from his own ship's labs and engine room, lest their secret--a systemic use of a race of sentient beings for _fuel_ , a calculated campaign of genocide--would be revealed."

The jurors' attention never wavered, but one or two allowed a pained expression to cross their faces.

"The crew of the Equinox, from the commanding officers on down, engaged in a coordinated and deliberate attempt to deceive Voyager. And when the truth was ultimately revealed, Ransom ordered the deliberate sabotage of their benefactor's ship, the theft of key equipment necessary for Voyager to defend itself against attack--attacks provoked by the fact of their helping Equinox--and left their fellow Starfleet officers to what they were convinced was certain death. As a final parting shot, Ransom kidnapped two members of Voyager's crew, and left behind their own Emergency Medical Hologram to serve as spy and additional saboteur." Gaines gestured dramatically. "If that does not constitute an act of war, an opening of hostilities, I don't know what would. 

"Equinox was long gone, and Voyager was left exposed and defenseless. But contrary to Ransom's expectations, Voyager was not destroyed. They managed to beat off the enemy, jury-rig the shields to protect against further attacks. And then instead of allowing Ransom to get away with his heinous acts--or abandon her crew to his tender mercies--Janeway set off in pursuit.

"Make no mistake: it was Equinox which began this conflict, set these events in motion. Janeway's actions were calculated to elicit information to help her ship, recover her missing crew members, and finally, bring Ransom to justice.

"Voyager tracked Equinox to a small planet. Ransom was able to elude Voyager--he had superior firepower, not to mention inside information about Voyager's weapons and capabilities. Ransom and his ship got away, but Voyager managed to capture one of the Equinox crewmen on the planet—Ensign Noah Lessing."

Gaines took a sip of water. "Try to imagine, if you can, the situation on board Voyager at that time. The ship was crippled, under attack. Ransom and the Equinox were gone, but there was no guarantee they would not return at a later date to raid Voyager once more, to prey on their fellow Starfleet officers as they did the nucleogenic aliens, stripping them of rations, of energy, of equipment, perhaps of their very lives. Even if the stakes were not so high regarding Voyager's own survival, Captain Janeway could not in good conscience allow the Equinox to continue on their present course of action, charting a path of destruction and genocide across the galaxy. To stop Ransom, she first needed to find him. And so she turned to the obvious source of information, the recently apprehended Equinox crew member.

"However, through misguided loyalty to his own captain--the man who had set Equinox on their repugnant path--Noah Lessing refused to talk. He refused to assist Captain Janeway, refused to cooperate in any way. By his own actions, he clearly regarded himself as a prisoner of war. Perhaps over time he would have reconsidered his situation, realized he had a chance to break with the unspeakable cruelties of life on board the Equinox, of no longer having to follow Ransom's sadistic directives. Perhaps Lessing would have decided of his own volition to help stop the destructive and vicious cycle--in time. But time was a luxury that Voyager could not afford. And so Captain Janeway was obliged to treat him as an enemy—a prisoner of war--and interrogate him."

Gaines paused once more, and Janeway had the sense he was picking his way very carefully. "The manner of this questioning, the methods employed--it's all very easy for us now to judge Captain Janeway, to look back from the safety of our own positions, from the comfort of the Alpha Quadrant where lone ships are not forced to fend for themselves for years in hostile environments, contending with tremendous forces against them. Even our recent experiences in the Dominion War cannot quite bring us to comprehend the dire circumstances Voyager was in. If Captain Janeway was perhaps harsh in her manner of interrogation, it was because she was driven to it by the situation. She needed the information Lessing had, and it was imperative that she obtain it, by force if necessary. Too many other lives were at stake."

Gaines glanced around the room, noting the few observers, and then turned his attention back to the members of the jury. "The end result of course, was that Noah Lessing did not speak. Was his life endangered? Yes. But was it ultimately lost? No. For the duration of the Equinox incident--and for the remainder of the years in the Delta Quadrant--Lessing was not threatened again in any way, was not in any greater peril than any other individual on board Voyager." Gaines gestured toward Janeway. "These are not the actions of a captain who harbored any ill will toward him--or anyone else connected with the Equinox! The entire set of regrettable events which transpired between Captain Janeway and Ensign Lessing on that day were solely due to the captain's desperation--" Gaines quickly corrected himself "--desperate need for information. Nothing more. 

"It is my hope, my belief, that this jury will find Captain Janeway's actions, while they may perhaps be considered extreme, were caused by the exigencies of war, and not out of a malicious or premeditated intent to commit murder."

The prosecutor, Captain Lenore Mendez, was tall and her sleek black hair, with just a hint of gray about the temples, was caught up in a knot at the nape of her neck. Unlike her opponent, she chose to stroll around the chamber as she spoke, as if to give greater weight to her words.

"We have all heard the words of my esteemed colleague," she said in slightly accented Standard, "but I intend to show Captain's Janeway's actions went well beyond what has been described. She was not only pursuing information, but an enemy. Yes, the Captain was seeking *revenge* for Captain Ransom's deception, for the damages inflicted on her ship--and ironically enough, his violation of his oath as a Starfleet officer." Mendez smiled. "I say ironic, because by her actions, Captain Janeway showed she wanted Ransom's whereabouts at any cost, didn't mind if it cost a life or two to get it--as long as it wasn't _her_ crew at risk. 

"How else can one explain what she attempted to do to Noah Lessing--what she very nearly succeeded at, the cold-blooded murder of an innocent man. The Ensign was not privy to the private thoughts of his commanding officer; he could not read Ransom's mind and tell Captain Janeway where the Equinox was headed, or what they intended to do next. In fact, Lessing could be viewed as much as a victim of Ransom's cruelty as Voyager. A hapless victim. 

"But to Captain Janeway, this man represented something else. He was a symbol of the crimes the Equinox had committed, of what Ransom had done to her ship and crew. Ransom was out of reach, but Lessing was not." 

Mendez inclined her head graciously toward the defense. "Captain Gaines, in his eloquent statement a few moments ago, did not detail just how Captain Janeway's interrogation was carried out. In a move of stunning brutality, she threatened to expose him to the nucleogenic aliens--and then did just that, blatantly ignoring the rules of engagement, of civilized behavior, of sheer humane conduct. The fact that Lessing survived this 'interrogation' is not to Captain Janeway's credit, nor was it due to any actions of hers. 

"It is clear beyond a shadow of a doubt if Lessing had not been removed from that cargo bay, he would have been dead mere seconds later. No, Captain Janeway did not fire on him with a phaser, she did not viciously beat him. She just left him to what she knew was certain death.

"Such an act would be considered cruel by any standards, but consider what it meant to this particular victim. Noah Lessing had firsthand knowledge what the nucleogenic aliens were capable of, what painful and heinous death they inflicted. Lessing had spent years watching crewmates die, seeing his ship attacked time and time again. Like the other Equinox survivors, he learned to avoid getting trapped in narrow or confined areas, to constantly be straining his ears for the high-pitched sounds which heralded another attack. Captain Janeway's threat to expose him was a form of _psychological_ cruelty, exquisitely calculated to inflict maximum pain and suffering by making his worst nightmares come true. Even if she had never intended to leave him to be murdered, the threat alone clearly demonstrates an intent to torture him, to break him in the most devastating way possible. But as I have already said, Janeway did not stop at threats."

Janeway glanced involuntarily at the jury, but none of the members met her eyes. Beside her, Perry put a steadying hand on her arm.

Mendez went on. "The desperate situation Voyager found themselves in doesn't excuse torture and attempted murder. Captain Janeway blamed Ransom for behaving contrary to how a Starfleet officer and captain was supposed to act, but by her own behavior she herself sank not just to his level, but worse. She deliberately, and cold-bloodedly, left Noah Lessing to die."

U'Tzedek's silver gavel rose and fell once more. "Captain Mendez, please call your first witness."

"The prosecution calls Lieutenant Del Butler."

Butler, a short, barrel-chested young man, took his seat. Clearly nervous, he cracked his knuckles and faced the prosecutor after he was sworn in.

"Please state your name, rank and serial number for the record," Mendez said pleasantly.

"Lieutenant Del Butler, j.g., serial number 656-5827B."

"Current assignment?"

"I'm on leave at present, ma'am--I'm due to ship out aboard the Potomac in ten days."

"Your department?"

"Security."

"You previously served as a security officer on board Voyager, is that correct?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Were you a member of the original crew that left Deep Space Nine on Stardate 48315.6, or were you a member of the Maquis?"

Butler glanced at Janeway. "I was a member of the Voyager crew from day one."

Mendez nodded. "Please state where you were assigned on Stardate 53049.2."

"I was on the bridge during Alpha Shift."

"At the tactical station?"

"No," Butler said. "Commander Tuvok was at tactical. Lieutenant Parks and I were ordered to take up additional positions on the bridge. I was stationed next to the turbolift."

"Was it common practice to have a security guard posted on the Bridge, in addition to the Chief of Security?"

"No, but we had extra security personnel all over—everyone was pulling double shifts while we were in pursuit of the Equinox; we were expecting an attack at any time."

"You were expecting an attack from the Equinox?"

Butler nodded. "Also from those--creatures."

"The Spirits of Good Fortune?"

Butler's lip curled. "Yeah, that was one name for them. We'd just managed to get our shields up so we wouldn't have to worry about any fissures opening up for them to come through--but we hadn't been given the order to stand down from the heightened state of alert yet."

Mendez's demeanor changed slightly; her tone became more brisk. "All right, Lieutenant. How did you end up in Cargo Bay Two?"

"Captain Janeway received word Ensign Lessing had been apprehended on the planet. When she left the Bridge she ordered me to accompany her."

"Did you actually go inside the cargo bay with Captain Janeway?" Mendez asked.

"Yes. Morrison was outside, but the Captain told me to go in with her."

"Just the two of you?"

"No," Butler said. "Commander Chakotay was there as well."

Mendez glanced down at a PADD on her table. "Please describe the setting in the cargo bay. Lessing was standing?"

"No, ma'am. He was sitting down."

"On the floor?"

"In a chair."

Mendez came to stand in front of the witness stand. "Was he able to move around freely?"

Butler shook his head. "No, ma'am, his arms and legs were bound."

Mendez said, "Were you armed, Lieutenant?"

"Yes, ma'am." His surprise at the question was evident. "Security officers on duty are armed at all times, especially during an emergency situation."

"So you weren't carrying a phaser because you were afraid of what Ensign Lessing might do, or to protect your captain."

"No, ma'am. He was a prisoner of war."

"If he was a prisoner of war, why wasn't he in the brig?" asked Mendez. "The brig hadn't undergone any damage, had it?

"Not that I know of."

Mendez consulted her notes. "The brig is shielded, is it not? More so than the rest of the ship?"

"It's supposed to be impervious to beam-outs, if that's what you mean, ma'am, to minimize the risks of any prisoners escaping."

"I see," Mendez said. "But shouldn't Ensign Lessing have been in the brig? Didn't that strike you as odd?

Butler shifted uneasily in his seat. " I...I don't know, ma'am."

"Wasn't it normal procedure to keep prisoners in the brig?" Mendez repeated. "Why do you think the Captain gave orders--"

Gaines rose to his feet. "Objection. The witness has already answered the question. He doesn't know."

"Sustained," said Admiral U'Tzedek. "Move on, Captain Mendez."

"You said earlier, Lieutenant, that you were armed?" said Mendez.

"Yes."

"What about Captain Janeway?"

"Yes, ma'am, she had a weapon." Butler added, "We all did, everyone on board. Because of the attacks by those aliens, you see. There wasn't much warning when they would show up and it took phaser blasts to drive them off--"

Mendez leaned forward. "But the shields had been restored, hadn't they, all over the ship? The danger of imminent attack wasn't there any more, was it?"

Butler gulped. "No, ma'am."

"So there you were, you and Captain Janeway, both heavily armed, confronting a man who was bound hand and foot." Mendez's lip curled slightly. "Did the Captain tell you what she was going to do?"

"She wanted to question the prisoner."

"Did Captain Janeway clearly state to Lessing what she wanted from him?"

"Yes. Tell her how to find Ransom and what his tactical status was or suffer the consequences."

"What was Lessing's reaction?"

"He refused."

"What did Captain Janeway do then?"

"She increased the threats. She told him exactly what was going to happen if he didn't cooperate."

"Was she bluffing?" Mendez asked in an almost conversational tone.

Gaines rose once more. "Objection—once again, how can Lieutenant Butler purport to know the defendant's state of mind?"

"I'll rephrase the question," Mendez said. "Based on her demeanor, did she look like she was serious?"

Butler hesitated, then nodded. "Yes, she was deadly serious. There was no question in my mind the Captain meant what she said."

"Did Lessing believe her?"

"I don't know," Butler said slowly. "Lessing looked at Commander Chakotay, asked if this was where he was going to come in and save him, advise him to give it up. But Chakotay said no, the Captain was on her own."

Mendez let the words hang in the air for a moment. "What happened next?"

"The Captain walked out, giving orders to remove the shields."

"Did you comply with those orders, Lieutenant?"

"Yes," Butler said, uncomfortably.

"Why?"

"She's the Captain," Butler said.

"She's the Captain," repeated the Mendez. "Rather similar to Equinox's sit--" seeing Gaines begin to rise from his seat yet again, she quickly changed what she was about to say. "You followed the Captain's orders even though you knew what was likely to happen next?"

"Yes." 

"What _was_ going to happen?"

Butler glanced at Janeway again. "We were under almost constant attack by those creatures, thanks to the Equinox."

"Thanks to their treachery, you mean?"

"Yes--they unleashed those monsters on us and then crippled our systems and left us to fend for ourselves!" he said heatedly.

Mendez looked at Butler for a long moment. "So, in your opinion, Captain Janeway's decision to expose Lessing to them was justified?"

"Objection," called Gaines, a hint of exasperation in his voice.

Mendez said, "Withdrawn. But Voyager was able to get the shields working again, isn't that correct? You were no longer at risk?"

"We were able to rig something," Butler said grudgingly.

"In every part of the ship?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"You were safe at that particular moment in time, isn't that correct?"

"As long as the shields stayed up."

"What happened in unshielded areas?" Mendez asked.

"The creatures came," Butler said.

"Right away? Or was there a period of time in which you knew you were relatively safe?"

"Our experience had been it was only a few seconds, maybe half a minute at most."

Mendez nodded as if satisfied. "So Captain Janeway, as she promised, willfully exposed Noah Lessing to almost certain death." She looked at Gaines. "Your witness, Captain."

Gaines approached the witness stand. "Lieutenant, you said earlier that there were others present in the cargo bay, other than yourself and Captain Janeway?"

Butler gave him a questioning look. "Lessing was there."

Gaines smiled. "Yes, of course. What I meant was, other than the prisoner and Captain Janeway and yourself, was there anyone else present?"

"Commander Chakotay."

"I see. And did he say anything during Captain Janeway's interrogation?"

Butler thought for a moment. "I don't think so, sir. I mean, not more than I already mentioned, that Lessing asked the Commander if he was going to intervene and he said no."

"Nothing Commander Chakotay said or did made much of an impression on you? Or seemed to have any impact on how things were proceeding?"

"It was Captain Janeway's show to run."

"So you don't recall if Commander Chakotay made any objections to what she was doing," Gaines said.

"No, sir."

"To all appearances, he was in complete agreement with the Captain?"

"Yes."

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Gaines said. "I have nothing further for this witness."

Admiral U'Tzedek said, "You may step down, Lieutenant." She then tapped the gavel three times. "Due to the lateness of the hour, we will adjourn until tomorrow morning at 0800 hours."

Janeway glanced at Gaines, unconcernedly slipping PADDS inside his briefcase. "What was that about?" she asked.

Gaines snapped the lid shut and stood, straightening his uniform as he did so. "What are you referring to?"

"That bit about Chakotay," Janeway said, standing as well. "I already told you, it won't be possible to show he was complicit in my actions, that it was all part of an elaborate charade the two of us concocted—"

"Please, Captain." He gave her a sharp look.

Janeway lowered her voice, remembering they were still in a public area. "I don't understand what you hope to gain. Are you trying to discredit Chakotay? Getting Butler to admit he saw no reason to interfere or disobey orders is a far cry from—"

"A court-martial is like a chess game," Gaines said, interrupting her once more. "These were just the opening moves. We'll see how it plays out tomorrow."


	3. Chapter 3

Chakotay glanced at Janeway only once as he took the stand, and then didn't look in her direction again. He seemed distinctly uncomfortable during the preliminary phase of testimony. Janeway wished she knew what was going through his mind. 

"I thought I was making progress with communicating with the aliens," Chakotay said, in answer to Mendez's latest question.

"Did the Captain tell you she was satisfied with your efforts?" asked Mendez. "Or otherwise let you know how much importance she placed on the attempt at communication?"

Chakotay hesitated. "The Captain was more intent on finding the Equinox."

"Even while Voyager was still under attack by the aliens?" Mendez feigned surprise. "Would you say that was a rational course of action, one you agreed with?" 

"No, but I can understand her motivation."

Janeway's head came up sharply. At her side, Gaines leaned forward intently waiting for the next exchange.

"And what would that motivation be, Commander?" Mendez asked. "Revenge?"

"Objection," called Gaines. "Did Captain Janeway actually say she wanted revenge?"

One of the admirals—Tirkar--interrupted. "I would like to hear the answer to that myself. Did Captain Janeway discuss her motives with you, Commander Chakotay, for pursuing the Equinox?"

"She spoke of the necessity of reclaiming a member of our crew," Chakotay said, "an individual who had been abducted from Voyager by the Equinox, right before they fled."

Mendez recovered quickly. "This was the former Borg drone Annika Hansen, known as Seven of Nine?"

"Yes," Chakotay said. "At the time we didn't realize that our EMH had been taken as well." 

Mendez picked up a PADD from her table, scrolled down and handed it to the witness. "Would you please read the highlighted section?"

Chakotay took the PADD. "'I don't blame you for being angry, but you can't compromise the safety of this ship for the sake of your vendetta.'"

"Do you recognize these words, Commander?"

"Yes, I said them," Chakotay said softly.

"To the Captain, yes? When?"

"Shortly after Equinox sabotaged our ship and left us vulnerable."

"'Vendetta' is a strong choice of words, Commander," Mendez said sharply. "It sounds like at the time, you thought Captain Janeway's motives were quite different than those you stated a few moments ago."

"No, I--"

Gaines stood. "I renew my objection to this line of questioning--it has no relevance to the matter we are here for." 

"On the contrary," Mendez said, before U'Tzedek could respond. "It does--this goes to Captain Janeway's state of mind regarding the Equinox and her crew, even before she managed to take Noah Lessing prisoner."

U'Tzedek nodded. "I'll allow it. Objection overruled." 

Mendez didn't pause to savor her victory. "Did you continue to press the idea of communication with the aliens instead of chasing Equinox?" 

"Yes." 

"You submitted this in writing, as a formal report, Commander?" At Chakotay's nod, she went on, "Was that your usual way of communicating with the Captain?"

"No."

"Then why?" At Chakotay's hesitation, Mendez prodded, "Look at the next section on the PADD, Commander. Captain Janeway also asked why you took this unusual step. Please read your answer."

"'You weren't exactly receptive.'"

"'You' meaning the Captain, is that correct?" Mendez said.

"Yes."

"And Captain Janeway answered she wasn't receptive this time either, that it was an interesting idea but not feasible. Instead, she was studying Ransom's service record as a means of predicting his next move." 

"She figured Ransom and the Equinox would be hiding somewhere close by," Chakotay said. 

"Was this correct?"

"We were able to track them, and ambushed an away team on the surface of a small planet."

"Is this when you captured Ensign Lessing?"

"Yes. The others got away."

"Was this ambush part of a strategy to force a prisoner exchange with Equinox, or even compel their surrender?"

Chakotay rubbed his hand over his face wearily. "I believe that was part of it, yes."

"Part?"

"At the same time, we were also engaged in a space battle with the Equinox herself."

"Who emerged the victor in that conflict, Commander? Was it Voyager?"

"There was no clear-cut victor," Chakotay said. "We didn't manage to capture their ship, if that's what you mean."

"In other words, Equinox escaped?"

"We had to let them go," Chakotay corrected Mendez. "If Voyager hadn't been sabotaged--we realized only later the full extent of what Burke had done to our systems--we would most likely have been successful. As it is, we had to stand down and let them go."

"Did Captain Janeway want to break off the attack?"

Chakotay hesitated once more. "Not exactly."

"Not until you forced her to realize she had no choice," Mendez said, an edge to her voice. 

"Yes."

"So Equinox got away, yet again, and you were left with a prisoner."

"Yes."

"Did you say anything during Captain Janeway's interrogation in the cargo bay, about the feasibility of her approach, or method of questioning?"

"Lessing had valuable information--"

"Did you say anything during the interrogation itself, Commander," Mendez repeated, "or object to Captain Janeway's methods--her threats to expose Lessing?"

"No."

"You waited until afterwards, when the shielding on the cargo bay had been taken off-line and a fissure was beginning to form."

"I hoped--I thought it was only a bluff," Chakotay said uncomfortably.

"Or that Lessing would give in?" At Chakotay's nod, Mendez said, "But it didn't happen that way, did it?"

Chakotay swallowed. "No, it didn't."

"What happened next?"

"I begged the Captain to reconsider."

"But she didn't, did she?" 

Chakotay was silent. 

"I'll take that as an affirmative, Commander. So, you took matters into your own hands, and dragged the prisoner to safety." Mendez waited a moment. "If you hadn't gone in after Lessing, what would have happened to him?"

"He would have died," Chakotay said quietly.

"Thank you, Commander." Mendez sat down.

Gaines strode over to the witness stand. "Commander Chakotay, could you please tell us why you didn't relieve Captain Janeway of command immediately following the incident in the cargo bay? If her actions so disturbed you?"

Chakotay shifted in his seat. "There were other issues to deal with, namely trying to contact the aliens once more, this time through the mediation of the Ankari, the species that had first introduced the aliens to the Equinox."

"Did you attempt to discuss the incident in the cargo bay with the Captain at your first opportunity?"

"Yes," Chakotay said. 

"And?"

Janeway held her breath. Gaines was treading on dangerous ground.

But Chakotay did not go into specifics of their exchange. Instead, all he said was, "Captain Janeway relieved me of my duties and had me confined to quarters under guard."

"Did you submit without a struggle?"

"Yes."

"But you had just seen your captain behaving irrationally--" Gaines broke off as U'Tzedek gave him a penetrating stare. "I mean, acting contrary to what you found acceptable. You'd just defied her orders to 'rescue' Mr. Lessing. You had a phaser. Why did you submit?"

"It wasn't my intention to remove her, or act in any manner that could otherwise be construed as a mutiny. My actions earlier--my only objective was securing Lessing's safety."

"But weren't you concerned that as soon as your back was turned, Captain Janeway would order Lessing back into the bay, exposing him to the alien attack once more?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Chakotay didn't hesitate. "I didn't think she would do it again."

"Even though she had done it once?"

"You don't understand," Chakotay said. "That wasn't like her--the Captain wasn't going to commit cold-blooded murder."

"But she had placed Lessing in danger a short time earlier--with your silent agreement."

"I don't think she meant to do it, the situation got out of hand--"

"It was a momentary lapse on the Captain's part?" Gaines asked.

"Yes, I think it was. All she needed was to be pulled back from the brink," Chakotay said emphatically, then added, "I can't believe she really would have gone through with it, even if I hadn't stopped her." 

Janeway's eyes met Chakotay's briefly. 

Gaines gave no indication that his client had just dodged a potentially fatal bullet. "After the entire Equinox 'incident' was over, what happened to the members of their crew?"

"The survivors were integrated into the Voyager crew."

Gaines nodded. "Just like the Maquis had been years earlier, along with various Delta Quadrant natives." He paused for a moment. "Were there any further repercussions, any punishment or way in which the Equinox crew was singled out?"

"They were demoted in rank," Chakotay said.

"Anything else?" At Chakotay's shake of the head, Gaines went on, "Was any reference ever made again regarding their actions against Voyager's crew?"

"Only that one time. Captain Janeway spoke to them, told them they were being given the opportunity to start over again, to make up for their past mistakes."

"Did she sound angry, or vindictive in any way?" Gaines asked.

"Stern, that was all. She told them they had a debt to pay but other than that, they'd be treated no differently than anyone else."

"And were they?"

"No," Chakotay said.

"Thank you," Gaines said before sitting down.

Mendez immediately rose. "Redirect. Commander Chakotay, you said about Captain Janeway's actions toward Noah Lessing, 'all she needed was to be pulled back from the brink.' Were you confident that Captain Janeway realized that was indeed what had happened?"

Chakotay appeared confused. "Yes, of course."

"What do you base this on, her behavior afterward?"

"Yes."

"What about _immediately_ after the events in the cargo bay, Commander? Did Captain Janeway appear to realize she had made a mistake in how she handled Lessing?"

"Not then, no."

"What about in the briefing room after you had spoken of finding the Ankari? I believe you discussed what had just taken place in the cargo bay." At Chakotay's hesitation, Mendez said, "As the Captain relieved you of duty at the end of that conversation, it can be assumed she had not come around to your way of thinking. How would you characterize her state of mind?"

Gaines objected once more, but was summarily overruled.

Mendez continued inexorably, "Did she seem happy with you, or relieved you had prevented her from making a terrible mistake?"

Chakotay didn't respond.

U'Tzedek leaned forward. "Answer the question, Commander. Was Captain Janeway happy with your actions, or did she seem angry?"

Chakotay shifted uneasily. "I believe that given time, she would have realized--"

"At that particular moment, Commander," Mendez interjected. "What, in your opinion, was her state of mind?"

"She was furious," he said quietly.


	4. Chapter 4

That evening Janeway stood on the balcony of her apartment, looking out over the twinkling lights of the city. The events that had taken place that day in the courtroom had been no more than she expected; what was surprising was to feel the same sense of shock as she did long ago at Chakotay's objections. She shivered in the cool night air, hearing their voices in the briefing room once again:

_"You almost killed that man today."_

_"It was a calculated risk and I took it."_

_"It was a bad call."_

_"I'll note your objection in my log."_

_"I don't give a damn about your log! This isn't about rules and regulations. It's about right and wrong. And I'm warning you--I won't let you cross that line again."_

_"Then you leave me no choice. You are hereby relieved of duty until further notice."_

_"What's happened to you, Kathryn?"_

_"I was about to ask you the same question."_

Of all the decisions she'd made in the DQ, this was not the one she expected to come back and haunt her years later. She'd seen herself in front a review board, trying to justify other actions--the alliance with the Borg, for example, or places where she'd skirted the Prime Directive, hell, the decision to destroy the Caretaker's Array to begin with, or incorporate the Maquis into her crew. Instead, those issues had been raised only briefly, and then dropped. But the interrogation of Noah Lessing-- Somehow she hadn't expected to be called to justify what happened in that cargo bay.

_You almost killed that man._

Whenever she'd recalled that incident afterwards, she had shied away almost immediately. Not from guilt, not exactly. She had never doubted the necessity of her actions, but she was uncomfortable remembering how the situation had played itself out. Lessing had been an impediment standing between her and Equinox, and inexplicably, he had refused to yield. 

With distance granted by time, she could acknowledge now that she had lost control, allowed her emotions to get the best of her. If only she'd been calmer, if she'd had time to think, perhaps she and Chakotay could have orchestrated their efforts. Instead--

The expression on Chakotay's face in the courtroom, more than anything he actually said, had brought the entire incident back to her, in full chilling detail. She remembered her emotions at the time, the cold fury that had gripped her when upon realizing what had been done to her ship and crew, the utter frustration that Ransom could remain beyond her reach--and her frustration was compounded by the actions of those closest to her, who impeded her efforts rather than helped. 

Only much later had she realized that the anger reached both ways.

With a sigh, she acknowledged it had taken a long time to heal the breach between herself and her first officer--if indeed it had been healed at all. 

~*~

"I want you to reconsider our defense strategy," Gaines said abruptly, as soon as the door to the small anteroom closed behind them.

"Why?" Janeway asked. It was just the two of them; although Perry would undoubtedly be present in the courtroom later, he was not there now.

"Because your trial is not going well," Gaines said, slamming his briefcase on the floor as if to emphasize his words. "The guard's testimony was bad enough, but Chakotay's was far more damaging. And in a short while, we're going to be back inside that courtroom and another one of your senior officers is going to take the stand against you."

"Tuvok won't say anything that's going to hurt me--"

"Why, because you're counting on his loyalty to you?" Gaines gave a short laugh, though the expression on his face was anything but amusement. "It didn't work as far as Chakotay was concerned, though to give the man credit, I do think he tried not to make it worse than he had to."

She let his comments about Chakotay pass; she wasn't going to try to guess her former first officer's motivations. "Because Tuvok wasn't anywhere near the cargo bay, had no firsthand knowledge of what happened to Lessing. You said yourself you didn't know why he was included on the prosecution's witness list."

"That's beside the point. As Mendez showed us yesterday, she excels at finding damning information from seemingly innocuous details. Who knows what incriminating evidence there is to be gained from Tuvok's testimony?" Gaines shook his head. "Reckless endangerment, callous disregard for sentient life, assault, misbehavior before the enemy, cruelty and maltreatment --she's made a convincing case against you already. And there's more to come, much more. If the prosecution puts Lessing on the stand..." He didn't need to say anything further.

Janeway pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to relieve the pressure she felt building up behind her eyes. Tension and lack of sleep were taking their toll. "What did you have in mind?"

"There are grounds for the insanity plea." He held up his hand. "Hear me out, before you say anything. Your state of mind has come up more than once. Mendez has already portrayed you as being out of control, driven by a lust for revenge--" He stopped. "This is our only hope."

Janeway didn't answer.

"Further, there's precedence. Consider the example of your EMH."

"I have no idea what you're getting at," Janeway said coldly. 

"You weren't the only one who committed a crime during the Equinox incident, Captain. Do you recall what your Doctor did to Seven of Nine on board Ransom's ship, as he was trying to extract information from her? He carved her up like a Sunday roast. She could have died--and even though she didn't, it was hardly a pleasant experience." Gaines leaned forward. "Torture, attempted murder--does any of this sound familiar, Captain?"

"Ransom disabled the Doctor's ethical subroutines, just as he did those of his own EMH," Janeway objected. "He was not responsible for his actions. At any rate, it's not the same thing at all. He's a hologram."

"A hologram who has been declared sentient by the courts since your return," Gaines said. "Held to the same strictures as any other form of intelligent life." He paused. "The EMH was cleared of any wrongdoing, because his matrix was impaired at the time. I'm surprised you didn't know about the legal proceedings."

"I did know, but I fail to see how this is relevant to my case."

"You were also temporarily--" 

"I was _not_ insane," Janeway cut in. "I knew exactly what I was doing."

"You admit you deliberately put a man in a position to be killed? That's premeditated murder!" Gaines looked at her incredulously. "Oh, that's really going to go over well with the jury, Captain."

Janeway didn't react to his sarcasm. "I had every confidence that Lessing was going to break down and give me the information. There was nothing to suggest he was going to refuse." She remembered how grateful the Equinox crew had been when they'd first made contact with Voyager, how they'd spoken of their own privations; they had clearly viewed the other Starfleet vessel as paradise. Who would have known they'd choose to remain in hell?

"Nothing, except loyalty to a captain who'd kept him alive all those years," Gaines said. His lip curled in distaste. "Lessing called your bluff, Captain--only you weren't bluffing, were you?"

Janeway met his gaze. "I never meant for it to go so far."

"Then you must be one hell of a poker player, because anyone else would have folded a lot sooner." Gaines glanced at the chronometer. "They're going to call us in a few more minutes. Last chance, Captain--look. Temporary insanity is not the same as having you declared wholly incompetent, it shouldn't impact too much on your career as it stands now. We can make every effort to show it was an aberration--"

"No."

"Damn it, I'm trying to salvage something for you!" 

Janeway shook her head. "I won't hide behind a tenuous claim like this. I was certain Lessing would concede first; it turned out to be a bad call, that's all."

Gaines' comm badge chirped. "That's our cue." He reached down and picked up his case. "You know, there's one thing I don't understand."

Janeway was already moving toward the door and was not pleased when Gaines stepped in front of her. "And what's that?" she said, anxious to be done with this futile discussion.

"This isn't like you, to willfully head down a path of almost certain defeat. According to your reputation, you don't give up--ever. But by pursuing the present strategy, it's almost certain that you're going to be found guilty." Gaines stopped suddenly, blocking her path. "Unless this is what you want, of course."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I've read your logs pretty thoroughly, Captain. You have what could be called an over-developed martyr complex. Perhaps it's your guilt speaking, but you obviously feel a noble self-sacrifice here can atone--"

"I hope you're a better advocate than you are a counselor," Janeway said, her voice icy. "Because you're pretty pathetic as the latter. "

Gaines gave her a brief smile, and then made a show of moving aside so she could pass. "That remains to be seen, doesn't it? I'll tell you one thing, you'd better hope I am, because I'm all that's standing between you and a life sentence at the penal colony on Maru Prime."


	5. Chapter 5

"Commander Tuvok," said Mendez, "You were named Acting First Officer after Commander Chakotay was relieved of duty?"

"That is correct."

Gaines interrupted, "Admiral, I would like to renew my objection to this line of questioning. Commander Tuvok has already stated that he was on the Bridge during the incident in the cargo bay; the only information he can give us pertains to events that happened afterward, events which are irrelevant to these proceedings."

"They are not irrelevant," Mendez said calmly. "Based on what transpired, it can be shown that Captain Janeway's behavior toward Lessing was part of an overall pattern, her anger towards and quest for revenge upon Captain Ransom and the entire Equinox crew."

"I'll allow it," U'Tzedek said. "But be sure that we do see, Captain Mendez."

Mendez nodded and turned back to the witness. "As Acting First Officer, Commander, you accompanied Captain Janeway when she made contact with the 'Spirits of Good Fortune.'"

"Yes."

"What did Captain Janeway say to the aliens?"

"She asked them to stop attacking Voyager."

"What reason did Captain Janeway give? Because you were not the ones who were murdering their people?"

"Objection," Gaines said. "The prosecution is leading the witness."

"I'll rephrase," Mendez said quickly. "Did Captain Janeway emphasize that Voyager had not participated in Equinox's genocidal campaign?"

"Yes."

"I see," Mendez said, taking a stroll about the chamber. "Did the aliens accept the Captain's assurances? Were they suddenly more kindly disposed to Voyager?"

"No, they did not accept her argument. The aliens stated, correctly, that Voyager had rendered aid to Equinox, and had allied ourselves to their enemy. They viewed us as one and the same."

"So Captain Janeway told them she, too, had a grievance against Ransom?" Mendez asked.

"She told them that Captain Ransom's actions were abhorrent, totally contrary to our laws or codes of behavior, and that she had been unaware of any wrongdoing until much later," Tuvok said. "The Captain expressed regret over what the Equinox had done to the other nucleogenic beings."

"What else did Captain Janeway say about Ransom?"

"She told them of Equinox's sabotage of our ship, and subsequent attack, which was why we ourselves were in pursuit of Ransom's ship."

Mendez looked at Tuvok for a long moment. "Did she also offer to hand Ransom over to them when she found him?"

A low murmur broke out among the members of the jury. Admiral Getz in particular looked agitated.

Tuvok did not deny the charge. He said, "That may have just been a negotiating tactic to gain their cooperation--to stop the alien attacks."

"Ah, a 'negotiating tactic.'" Mendez nodded and smiled wryly. "Captain Janeway seems to do that often, doesn't she?"

"Objection," Gaines said, his mouth a tight line.

"Sustained." U'Tzedek turned to the prosecutor. "Captain Mendez, you will rephrase your question in a more respectful manner."

Mendez didn't miss a beat. "Captain Janeway offered to turn Ransom over to the tender mercies of the nucleogenic beings, knowing full well what they would do to him?"

"Captain Janeway did not make the suggestion. The aliens did," Tuvok pointed out.

"But she didn't refuse, did she?"

"Captain Janeway did not agree right away."

"Did you raise any objections, Commander Tuvok?" Mendez asked curiously.

"I did."

"What did you say?"

"I did not approve of this course of action."

"Your exact words, Commander?" Mendez pressed.

Tuvok's face retained its implacable expression as he said, "I told her she was acting irrationally."

Mendez didn't keep the pleased note out of her voice. "So you're saying Captain Janeway's anger toward Ransom blinded her to all else?"

Tuvok shook his head. "The purpose of our meeting with the aliens was to get them to stop attacking Voyager, not to offer to help them avenge themselves on the Equinox. That was not the Captain's objective."

"But that's what it quickly became, isn't it?"

"Objection," Gaines said, with a hint of exasperation.

"Withdrawn," Mendez said. "Commander Tuvok, you stated you did not approve of the agreement Captain Janeway arrived at. At any point were you threatened with removal from duty if you did not comply with the Captain's wishes?"

"Yes," Tuvok admitted.

"As you weren't removed, unlike Commander Chakotay, we can assume you did in fact comply?"

"Yes."

"Why did you back down, Commander? What about the principles that were at stake? Or weren't those important any more?" 

Tuvok did not respond to Mendez's mocking tone. "The principle at stake, Captain Mendez, was obedience to Captain Janeway's orders. She was in command. In a crisis situation such as the one we found ourselves, following orders could be the difference between life and death."

"Even if you felt she was wrong, that those orders were unlawful?"

"I did not 'feel' anything, Captain Mendez," Tuvok said quietly. "Nor could I say of my own volition that Captain Janeway's approach was wrong in any way. The aliens _did_ agree to break off their attack. To arrive at that settlement, they did not seem amenable to anything short of being promised the Equinox."

"But Captain Janeway had just agreed to hand over Ransom to what would undoubtedly be certain death at the hands of the aliens!" Mendez said. "You have no problem with that course of action, Commander? The injustice of it?" 

"On the contrary," Tuvok said. "Considering Ransom's crimes against the nucleogenic beings, their request was not without merit." He looked directly at the tribunal for a moment. "We already established that the nucleogenic beings were sentient; there is ample precedent in turning over an accused criminal to an alien justice system."

"Justice, or murder?" Mendez snapped. "Do you honestly think the aliens would give Ransom a fair hearing before--" With an effort, she stopped. "Why not hold Ransom for Starfleet justice? He also committed crimes against a fellow Starfleet vessel, contravened several laws of the Federation. Under our legal system, those take precedence. Captain Janeway could have convened a court martial on board Voyager, if 'justice' was her primary concern." 

"That was a distinct possibility," Tuvok said, "but it was not my decision to make. The job of the First Officer is to provide the Captain with alternate courses of action and then, once she has made her decision, to follow her orders." 

"And if those orders are questionable—or dare we say, unlawful, Commander?" 

"On board a vessel, it is impossible to for the senior officers to continually second guess the captain or question her orders. If the captain is unable to rely on her subordinates, or if the crew has no confidence in the captain, the ship cannot function. Additionally, after serving together, a crew comes to know and trust the captain implicitly." Tuvok's eyes met Janeway's. "I have served with Captain Janeway for many years, and I trust her judgment. Specifically, I trust her to do what is right." 

"Did you agree with Commander Chakotay's demotion?" 

"That was not my decision to make." 

Mendez smiled wryly. "If you had been the first officer at the time, would you have done what Commander Chakotay did, disagreed with the Captain's orders?"

"I cannot say." 

"Did you agree with Captain Janeway's actions toward Ensign Lessing? Or was that 'alien justice' as well?"

"Objection," Gaines said.

"I'll rephrase," Mendez said. "As Chief of Security, did you agree with the conditions of the interrogation?"

Tuvok hesitated. "No, I did not," he said finally. "However, it was the Captain's belief that such measures were--" 

"Thank you, Commander Tuvok," Mendez said. "I have nothing further."

"Commander," said Gaines, slowly rising from his seat. "During your tenure as Acting First Officer, did you ever see Captain Janeway threaten Noah Lessing?"

"No, I did not."

"Did you see her interact with him at all?"

"No," said Tuvok once more. "Captain Janeway concentrated all her efforts on the pursuit of Captain Ransom and the Equinox."

"What happened to Lessing after the cargo bay incident? Was he placed in the brig?"

"He was confined to quarters," Tuvok answered.

"Hardly punitive measures," Gaines said dryly. 

"Mr. Lessing had given us valuable assistance in locating the Ankari."

Gaines allowed a look of astonishment to cross his face. "You mean Mr. Lessing was cooperative, after the incident in the cargo bay was over?"

"So it appeared." 

"Do you think that was why Captain Janeway didn't threaten Lessing again?" Gaines asked. "After all, if she was so angry at him, determined to take revenge against him in lieu of Ransom--"

"Objection," Mendez said.

"Sustained," U'Tzedek said. "We have established that Captain Janeway made no further attempts to harm the victim."

Gaines inclined his head in acquiescence. "Just one more question, Commander Tuvok. Did you feel at any time that Captain Janeway's actions warranted removing her from command, or fell outside the pale of command behavior?" 

"No, I did not."

"Thank you, Commander," Gaines said. "You've been most helpful."


	6. Chapter 6

The waves rolled in to the shore, their crests breaking in frothy white lace a few meters from where Janeway and her companion stood. The beach was deserted except for the two of them, doubtless due to the slate gray skies overhead. 

"I'm not sure if I'm happy to have a break for two days, or if it would be better to have the court-martial continue uninterrupted," Janeway said, her gaze fixed on a white sail near the horizon. Unconsciously, she rubbed the spot in her arm where the security transponder had been implanted; without it, she would never have been permitted freedom of movement.

"Taking the weekend off is a Human custom, but one that Admiral U'Tzedek appears to have adopted," Tuvok remarked. "Knowing you, however, I suspect you would prefer to forego custom and 'get it over with.'"

Janeway smiled briefly. "You know me too well."

"As I mentioned during my testimony, I have served with you for many years."

"But length of service has nothing to do with whether or not you really know someone," Janeway said. "It's possible to work with a person for many years and yet..." She resolutely changed the subject. "Your granddaughter's bonding ceremony is soon, isn't it?"

"Yes, in another eight days," Tuvok said.

"I still remember when we received the communication from home--it was one of the earliest ones, as I recall—in which you first learned of her birth."

Tuvok exhaled softly. "As I recall, Mister Neelix was quite insistent on reading the letter to me at once. He could not fathom my intention to wait until I was unoccupied."

Janeway smoothed an errant lock of hair back from her face. The wind was picking up, a sign that the impending storm would not hold off much longer. "I almost think Neelix was more excited at the news than you were."

"Considering I am a Vulcan and do not become 'excited', that is undoubtedly true."

"Dear Neelix," Janeway said, thinking fondly of the faithful companion they had left behind in the Delta Quadrant. "I wonder how he is doing?"

"He is making a new life for himself among his own people," Tuvok said, as they slowly began moving back up the beach. 

Janeway absently watched the antics of two gulls, fighting over a crust of bread. With a harsh scree of triumph, the victor took off. "Which is basically what all of us are doing, I suppose, regardless of where we ended up."

"With varying degrees of success."

Janeway looked at him in surprise for a moment. She had not imagined the criticism implicit in his words. "These things take time," she said somewhat defensively.

"Yes, and often the circumstances are beyond our control. However, we must adapt to the best of our abilities." Tuvok paused. "I regret that I must return to Vulcan at this time. I had hoped to remain until at least the conclusion of your--"

"Don't be ridiculous--it's your granddaughter's bonding," Janeway said immediately. "Of course you have to be there. You've missed too many family events as it is."

"Over the years, I have been absent from home on numerous important occasions," Tuvok said, nodding. "An inevitable consequence of my decision to serve in Starfleet. But I consider my presence here at this time no less an obligation."

Janeway slipped her arm through his. "I appreciate the sentiment, Tuvok. Your support has meant more to me than I can say."

"My original deposition, Captain, contained some material which did not come out in the courtroom, and which I wish you to be aware of," Tuvok said quietly. "I was asked about the possibility of removing you from command during the set of events concerning the Equinox."

She did not allow her pace to slow. "You mentioned this when you were on the stand. Gaines asked if you would have been in favor and you told him no."

"I did not, however, have the opportunity to elaborate further, about the effect your removal would have had on the ship and crew. It is my belief it would have been a major blow to morale, and been quite detrimental to the success of our mission."

"Thank you for that, Tuvok."

"It is a statement of fact."

She squeezed his arm gratefully. "Of course, if you _had_ deposed me, you would have then been stuck with the problem of what to do with me for the next few decades. Put me under house arrest, confined to the brig, or perhaps dropped me off on the nearest planet..."

"It would have presented quite a dilemma," Tuvok agreed gravely. "Of course, it was always our experience that there were no easy solutions in the Delta Quadrant. I am sure we would have come up with something, eventually."

Janeway rolled her eyes, and then caught sight of the black storm clouds rapidly moving in.

"It would be advisable to turn back," Tuvok said, glancing up at the sky as well. No sooner had the words left his mouth when Janeway felt the first drops hit her hand.

"An excellent idea," Janeway said as they broke into a run. 

The raindrops grew larger, began falling faster. Within seconds, it had turned into a downpour.

"Whew!" Janeway said as they climbed into the flitter. "It's a good thing we didn't have too far to go. I'm soaked through." 

Tuvok turned on the heat, and then began maneuvering the controls, heading back to the city. "As am I. But we should be dry shortly."

"We would have had to return soon anyway. I'm sure you've got a lot to do before your shuttle leaves this evening." Janeway watched as the flitter banked sharply to the left and emerged for a brief moment into dazzling sunlight. "I got a message from Chakotay," she said suddenly.

"Indeed?"

"Yes, it was rather surprising. I hadn't heard anything from him in months, let alone seen him," –she did not mention their brief moment of wordless communication when he was on the stand a few days earlier—"and all of a sudden, he wants to meet."

"Did the Commander give any indication what it was about?"

"No, he didn't."

"Then you will have to wait until you see him to find out."

She shot him a look, wondering how Tuvok knew she was hesitant to meet her former first officer. "I suppose I will," she said at last.

~*~

The trial resumed on Monday, with a further parade of prosecution witnesses. Janeway watched with greater trepidation than before, thanks to a casual remark by Gaines.

"Mendez has certainly been busy," he said. "She's added to the witness list again. Looks like the entire security department of Voyager is going to be called to testify."

"Most of these people weren't on duty at the time," Janeway said, perusing the PADD he handed her.

"It doesn't matter," Gaines said. "Mendez is proceeding under the logical assumption that they were _all_ aware of what was going on—both during the actual incident in the cargo bay, as well as your meeting with the aliens when you offered to hand over Ransom. Under article 78, they can be charged as accessories for not objecting to your orders."

"That doesn't make any sense!" Janeway said heatedly. "Surely they can't be held liable—"

"For your actions?" Gaines said. "Of course they can. Lieutenant Butler has already been charged, along with Ensign Morrison, and I wouldn't be surprised if Commander Tuvok is next in line." 

"It's not right," Janeway said, striving to remain calm. "I alone am responsible for what I did. I alone made the decisions regarding Lessing and the Equinox. No one else should have to answer for what I did."

"That's very noble of you, Captain, but I doubt it will make a difference." He smiled briefly. "I wouldn't worry too much, I'm sure they'll get something in return, some type of deal, in exchange for their testimony against you."

Now, watching Michael Ayala take the stand, she could only repeat to herself, _this isn't right._


	7. Chapter 7

Chakotay moved the sugar bowl closer to her. "Here you go," he said.

Janeway made no move to take it. "Thank you, but I prefer my coffee black."

He smiled. "That's right, I'd forgotten." He paused in the act of stirring his own sweetened and milky brew. "You don't like anything coming in between you and the pure taste."

Janeway picked up her cup, the warmth welcome in her hands, and took a sip. She glanced around the café, nearly empty now that the lunchtime rush was over. The only other patrons, like Chakotay, were clad in civilian attire. She felt conspicuous in her uniform.

She took a deep breath. "Why did you want to see me, Chakotay?"

If he regretted the cessation of his attempted small talk, he didn't show it. "I've been meaning to call you for a while," Chakotay said. "See how you're doing. But once I was served with the subpoena--as a witness, I wasn't allowed to contact you--"

"So there wouldn't be the appearance of any tampering on my part," Janeway said. 

"Yes." Chakotay grimaced, then went on in a rush, "About the other day, Kathryn, what I said on the stand...I'm sorry."

"About what?"

"What I said." He sighed heavily. "I didn't agree with your actions, the way you handled Lessing. I thought you'd gone to the brink, but--"

"I heard your testimony." Forcing her thoughts from Chakotay's statements, as well as the other prosecution witnesses, Janeway gazed at him for a long moment. "What I don't understand is why you're here now."

He made as if to reach across the table for her hand, then stopped. "I just want to help you," Chakotay said quietly. "That's all I ever wanted."

She glanced down at the smooth laminate finish of the table surface. "You don't owe me anything, Chakotay."

"Yes, I do," he insisted. "And even if I didn't, I don't like to see you going through this ordeal."

Janeway gave a bitter laugh. "Even though it's justified, from your perspective?"

Chakotay winced. "I'm not here to pass judgment on you."

"But you think I'm guilty. You thought it then, and you still think it now."

"That's not the issue." Chakotay sighed again, more heavily this time. "Regardless, I feel terrible about this whole business. And I can't--you shouldn't have to go through this alone, without anyone there to support you." Now he did take her hand. "Where's your family, Kathryn?"

"My mother died two months before Voyager's return," she said quietly and disengaged her fingers from his grasp.

"And your sister?" he persisted.

"She's living off-planet, a minimum of two weeks' journey from Earth."

"Haven't you seen her since you got back?" Not giving her a chance to answer, Chakotay continued, "Even if you have, surely she'd want to be with you now." 

Purely by chance, Phoebe _had_ been on Earth when Voyager returned home, still dealing with the details of their mother's estate. As glad as she was to see her sister, it had been a bittersweet homecoming for Janeway. Phoebe had left three weeks later, gone back to pick up the threads of her own life which had been put on hold for too long. Over the next few months, the two women had kept in regular contact, but Janeway had been adamant about not notifying Phoebe about the Article 32 hearing and then later, the court-martial -- she, couldn't bring herself to selfishly disrupt her sister's existence once again. Phoebe's presence might have brought some measure of comfort, but practically speaking, there was really nothing she could do. Better to leave her where she was.

As these thoughts went through Janeway's mind, she saw the dawning comprehension on Chakotay's face, along with more than a hint of compassion. A sudden, unreasoning fury rose in her. "I don't want your pity, Chakotay, or to be a sop for your conscience."

"What are you talking about? All I meant was—"

"It's a little late for regrets," Janeway said harshly. "You don't owe me anything, Chakotay. You did what you had to do--just as I did."

Chakotay opened his mouth, then closed it again. An awkward silence fell.

The waiter approached. "Will there be anything else?"

Janeway shook her head. "No, thank you. Just the check, please." She watched his retreating back, then looked again at Chakotay, who was regarding her sadly. She searched for something neutral to say. 

"How is Seven, by the way?" Janeway said at last. "I meant to ask you earlier."

"She's fine."

"How was the honeymoon?"

Chakotay looked startled. "What?"

"I heard you were recently off-world on your honeymoon," Janeway said, feeling vaguely foolish.

"No, I went back to Dorvin to look up some family members and friends," Chakotay said, shaking his head. "Seven wasn't even with me. She was in Stockholm, with her aunt. Irene hasn't been too well lately, and Seven felt she should stay nearby."

"I see," Janeway said. "Is her aunt doing better?"

"Yes, fortunately, but she's still rather frail. Seven was ready to cancel her trip to Starbase Four for the Astrometrics symposium, but finally decided to go after all, when Irene insisted. She'll be back in another ten days."

That explained Seven's absence. "Is a wedding in the works?" Janeway asked curiously.

"We haven't really discussed it," Chakotay said, playing with his spoon. "We're still adjusting to being back home. It hasn't exactly been an easy transition, for any of us."

"No, it hasn't." 

With relief, Janeway saw the waiter returning. She handed him her credit chit and rose. "Please give my regards to Seven the next time you speak to her, Chakotay," she said.

"I will." Chakotay rose as well. "Kathryn, I meant what I said earlier, if you need a friend to help you through--"

"I appreciate your offer, but that won't be necessary," she said brusquely, then turned to go. "I need to get back to the courtroom for the afternoon session."

She strode away rapidly, never looking back.

~*~

The court-martial continued, seemingly at a snail's pace, though with the start of the defense presentation, Janeway hoped things would speed up. 

"It's not usual procedure for it to take this long," Perry confided during a recess. He quickly added, "Not that I've been involved with that many cases yet."

"How long have you been practicing?" Janeway asked curiously.

"I got my law degree last year," Perry said, a bit self-consciously.

Janeway nodded; she'd guessed as much. Perry was forever coming up with different theories, of possible tactics and defenses, that on closer examination did not prove to be practical, or even all that applicable to her situation. And yet his detailed knowledge of the law was clearly evident. "Have you been working with Captain Gaines ever since?"

"I spent some time clerking for Admiral Costas—do you know him? Head of the legal division of Interstellar Relations?—and transferred over to Captain Gaines' office five months ago." Perry cleared his throat. "I know I don't have much experience, but I can tell you Captain Gaines is one of the best attorneys in the entire department. I know he's not always that, uh, accommodating, or even, truth be told, all that pleasant at times, but I've seen him in some really tough situations and, well, he's very good."

Janeway repressed the urge to laugh. Things must be in a sorry state if Perry felt the need to reassure her. "So you're saying I don't have anything to worry about."

"Well, you are being court-martialed," Perry said, quite seriously. "But with Captain Gaines in your corner, you've got a good chance of acquittal."

"I wonder if he shares your optimism." At Perry's shocked expression, Janeway realized she'd said it out loud. "What I mean is Captain Gaines has been very quick to urge me to accept a plea, rather than fight."

"That's standard procedure," Perry said. "Especially in the pre-trial phase, it's usual for the counsels to propose a deal. If they can reach a satisfactory agreement, it saves having to go through the whole arduous procedure of a court-martial."

Janeway recalled how adamant Gaines had been in suggesting she change her plea, as well as how equally firm she'd been in refusing to even consider it. "Do you think I should have listened to him, pleaded guilty?" she said, then chided herself for asking. What difference did it make what Perry thought?

But Perry considered the question carefully. "That depends," he said at last. "If you truly believe what you did was right—if you had it all to do again, you would without changing a thing—then no, you shouldn't change your plea." Without a trace of irony, he added, "That wouldn't serve the interests of justice, would it?"


	8. Chapter 8

The Paris home was as stately and imposing as Janeway remembered it. Years earlier, she and Mark had been here on many occasions, most of them formal Starfleet functions. Owen and his wife had entertained quite a bit in those days--when he was on the planet, that is.

"Kathryn, so nice to see you," Alicia Paris said as she opened the heavy mahogany and glass door. "It's been far too long since you've been by."

Janeway smiled politely. "It's good to be back. How are you?"

"Fine, just fine," Alicia said, ushering her down the hallway. "I'm sorry, Owen is running late. He just called and said he'll be another half hour."

Janeway nodded slowly, striving to keep her irritation from showing . It had been a long day and she wanted nothing more than to go home and soak in a hot tub of water, which would hopefully soothe her jangled nerves. But an 'invitation'—more like a formal summons, for all that Owen had specified meeting in his home instead of his office at HQ--from her former mentor was not something to be lightly disregarded. "Well, don't worry about entertaining me, I'm sure you have many other things to do. I can just wait in the library."

"If you prefer," Alicia said with a smile. She threw open another door and beckoned to someone within. "Or you might find some more congenial company in the family room."

"No, really, that's quite all right," Janeway began, and then stopped. "B'Elanna?"

"Hello, Captain," B'Elanna said, straightening up from the playpen in the corner.

"Kathryn," Janeway corrected, as she came over and gave her a hug. "How are you doing? I didn't expect to see you here."

"Tom is spending the day in Australia, seeing a friend about a possible position in his company. So we thought we'd get some quality time with Grandma," B'Elanna said, gesturing to the baby lying on her back inside the mesh enclosure. 

Miral regarded them both intently over the top of her bottle and continued sucking noisily.

"She's gotten so big," Janeway said, leaning closer to peer into the large dark eyes. "May I?" She lifted the baby, bottle and all, and gently smoothed the curls off her forehead ridges. "Yes, you're a big girl now, aren't you?"

"She certainly is," Alicia agreed. "And Grandma is loving every minute of this visit."

Miral gave a playful chortle and batted Janeway's nose, then reached for the captain's pips.

"Starting a little young," Janeway said, laughing. "You're going to have to earn those for yourself, young lady."

B'Elanna unclenched her daughter's fist, prying out the small gold discs. "No, sweetie, those don't go in your mouth."

"Here, I'll take her," Alicia said. "B'Elanna, would you like me to give her a bath and put her to bed?"

"I'd appreciate it," B'Elanna said, relinquishing her daughter with alacrity. "I think she's just about ready, especially as she didn't really nap this afternoon. I'll be up in a while—"

"Don't worry about a thing," Alicia said firmly. "I still remember how to do this!"

"I'm sure," Janeway said, smiling as Alicia took the baby out. She turned to B'Elanna. "I remember my grandmother saying that considering how much more she enjoyed them, she should have had her grandchildren first! Compared to children, they're a pleasure instead of a chore."

"Tom's mother is definitely enjoying herself," B'Elanna agreed. "It's been a while since she's had a baby to fuss over, as her other grandchildren are a lot older."

"That makes sense, considering that Tom's the youngest of his siblings." Janeway accepted the glass of pale blue liquid B'Elanna handed her. "You look good, B'Elanna, like life is treating you well these days."

"Thanks." B'Elanna sat down on the couch after first moving a stuffed targ out of the way. "It's been a little odd, being out of Starfleet after so many years, but we're doing pretty well."

"I heard you're working as a civilian contractor for the Corps of Engineers?"

"More like a consultant, filling them in on the various modifications we made to Voyager over the years. And of course helping them make sense of all the alien technology we brought back from the Delta Quadrant."

"That should be enough to keep you busy for a while."

"Several years at the very least," B'Elanna said.

"And Tom? What sort of company is his friend involved in?"

"The development of specialty shuttles, you know, modified for specific environmental conditions."

"Would Tom be involved in the design aspect?"

"No, as a test pilot," B'Elanna said. "Though knowing Tom, I'm sure he'll have plenty of engineering input as well."

"Sounds like an ideal situation for him," Janeway said. She took another sip of her drink, savoring the slightly tart taste. "I admit I was a little surprised neither of you decided to stay on in Starfleet."

"At this stage of our lives, it wouldn't be the right choice for us, or our family," B'Elanna said quietly. "Neither of us can see taking another deep space assignment, especially if we couldn't guarantee being assigned to the same vessel. If Voyager hadn't gotten back, of course, we'd have no choice but to raise Miral on a starship."

"But since we did get back," Janeway said, nodding, "you want something more."

"Yes," B'Elanna said. "Something more settled, a place where we can put down roots and call home."

"It sounds nice," Janeway said. Home, a sense of permanence…when had she ever known that? "No, I think you made the right decision."

"And what about you?" B'Elanna asked. "How are you doing?"

Janeway picked up the pitcher on the table and poured herself another glass of tokra juice. "About as well as can be expected."

"How much longer do they expect the court-martial to continue?"

"I'm not sure. Captain Gaines seems to think it will probably be another few days at least before the closing statements."

"Tom will be testifying tomorrow afternoon," B'Elanna said. "At least, that's when they told him to come in." She fell silent for a moment. "I wish I had been of more help when I was on the stand." 

Surprised, Janeway said, "You were in Engineering most of the time, B'Elanna, and as a result you missed several of the crucial events that occurred with Lessing. But your testimony about Max Burke and his duplicity—in particular, the details of the sabotage--surely did some good." 

B'Elanna sighed. "I just wish I could have done more. All of us feel that way, you know—"

"Yes, like Chakotay," Janeway cut in, and then wondered at the bitterness in her tone. Where had that come from? 

"Chakotay did not want to be a witness for the prosecution," B'Elanna said quietly. "Nor did any of the other Voyager crew who were subpoenaed."

"I know he didn't exactly have a choice," Janeway said with a carefully nonchalant shrug. "But as he was the one who witnessed my 'crimes' first-hand, the prosecution would have been stupid not to call him." 

B'Elanna put her glass down with a resounding ring. "Surely you're not blaming him."

Janeway shook her head impatiently. "No, of course not. That's not why I'm—"

"Angry?" asked B'Elanna softly. 

"I'm not angry."

B'Elanna didn't question the last statement, but the corner of her mouth turned down. "I'm a little confused here. What exactly is it Chakotay did to get you…unsettled like this?" 

"Nothing," Janeway said, then amended it to, "Nothing intentional."

B'Elanna waited while Janeway jumped to her feet and strode over to the window, stared unseeingly at the garden in the muted light of the setting sun.

"Have you seen Chakotay, other than in the courtroom?" B'Elanna said finally.

"Yes, we met for coffee the other day, as a matter of fact." Janeway said, still not turning. 

"And?"

"He told me how sorry he was, that things had come to this." Janeway grimaced. "Of course, if I had listened to him at the time, none of this would have happened."

"Did he actually say that to you?"

Janeway laughed mirthlessly. "No, he wasn't pointing any fingers. He just wanted to say he was sorry and he wished there was something he could do."

"In other words," B'Elanna said, coming to stand beside her. "He offered you sympathy and help. Definitely a hanging offense."

"You don't understand," Janeway shot back.

"Clearly, I don't," B'Elanna said, giving her former captain a penetrating stare, "so why don't you explain it to me?"

Frustrated, Janeway cast about for the proper way of putting it. "His timing is suspect," she said at last. "All this time he never--now, when everything has come to a head, he decides I need someone to hold my hand. Which I _don't_. I'm quite capable of managing on my own, thank you." Almost to herself she added, "God knows, I've been doing it for ages." 

B'Elanna was quiet for a moment. "Whatever has gone down between the two of you in the past is just that, in the past—" She took a deep breath. "But he wants to there for you now." B'Elanna put a hand on Janeway's shoulder. "That has to count for something." 

Janeway jerked away, almost as if she had been burned. "Yes," she said through clenched teeth. "But it's only because he thinks I'm incapable of standing on my own." She exhaled sharply, willing herself to relax. "Chakotay has always had a tremendous need to be needed." 

"All things considered, that's not such a bad way to be," B'Elanna said quietly.


	9. Chapter 9

"I'm very sorry, Kathryn," Owen Paris said, pouring himself a brandy. "My meetings at HQ ran much longer than I'd anticipated."

It had been much longer than the promised half hour, but Janeway forced herself to smile. "That's all right, sir. I had a lovely dinner with your wife and daughter-in-law."

"Good, good," Owen said, rubbing his hands together. He seemed in no hurry to get to the point of her visit. "I have to say, I'm still getting used to the idea of Tom married and a father. But it's good to see. He's grown up a lot over the past several years, and I have you to thank for much of that."

Janeway met his eyes squarely. "I'm guessing this is more than a social call, Admiral. Perhaps something you'd prefer to speak about off the record." 

Owen smiled. "You were always very perceptive, Kathryn--that's what made you such a fine officer in both science and command. It's stood you in good stead over the years." 

Janeway didn't rise to the flattery. "Apparently, my instincts have failed me on at least one occasion, or I wouldn't be in my current position," she said dryly.

Owen looked pensive at the reminder. "How are you holding up?"

"I'd be a lot better if people didn't keep asking me that," Janeway said, shifting slightly in her seat and giving him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, I'm just sick of hearing the same question over and over. I'm not an invalid or dying of a terminal disease, I'm just on trial for attempted murder, among other things."

"You're right, it is a stupid question." Owen fell silent for a moment. "But seriously, Kathryn, how is it going?"

"It's not going well," Janeway said flatly. "Gaines won't say it in so many words, but I don't think he expects a favorable verdict. Nor do I."

"As I said, you've always been very perceptive." Owen's brief smile faded. "I won't sugar coat it for you, Kathryn. I've been sounding out a few people and…" his voice trailed off.

"And?"

"Mendez has succeeded in making you look like a monster," Owen said bluntly. "This court-martial--it's not doing you any good personally, nor is it doing the 'Fleet any good."

"You didn't bring me all the way out here to point out what we both already know," Janeway said, rising from her seat and coming to stand before him. "What's on your mind, Owen?"

"I was wondering how you felt about a quiet resignation."

"You're asking me to resign my commission?" she said, surprised. "Leave Starfleet? Even if I were to consider such a thing, what difference would it make? That wouldn't change anything as far as the court-martial is concerned."

"Actually, it would," Owen said. "Certain parties have indicated they would be amenable to dropping the charges under the right circumstances."

"This is unbelievable," Janeway said.

Obviously taking her attitude for acquiescence, Owen said, "So you would be willing?"

"No," Janeway said, with a quick shake of her head. "Absolutely not."

"Kathryn, you're not being reasonable," Owen said, a hint of exasperation in his tone. "We can make this whole thing go away. I don't know why you won't consider it."

"Because it wouldn't 'make this go away,'" she said, allowing her own irritation to rise. "I'd have resigned under a cloud, my career, everything I've accomplished in over twenty years in Starfleet gone. Everything positive cancelled out, just like that."

"Unfortunately, that's already happened, Kathryn. And short of a miracle, it's only going to get worse. You were a damn fine officer, one of the best. You're right, it's not fair that it should end this way. But by resigning now, you can still retain _something_. Your freedom, yes. But not your career. That's over and done with. I'm sorry."

"No," Janeway said. "Owen, I appreciate what you're trying to do for me, really. But I can't. I'd rather go down fighting. Even for a lost cause."

"Even for an 'unjust' cause?" Owen's eyes met hers challengingly. "Tell me, Kathryn. Do you really feel your actions toward Lessing were justified?" 

"I don't know," Janeway said, looking away. "I…I was wrong, I realize that. In hindsight, I would have approached Lessing differently."

"Hindsight." Owen shook his head. "You want to talk about what might have happened instead? Would you have crossed that final line into committing murder?"

"I'm not sure." Janeway closed her eyes. "I--it was very close." She saw the darkness of the cargo bay, heard Lessing's defiant refusal, then her own voice calmly giving the order. "Yes," she whispered. "I would have probably done it, if I hadn't been stopped in time."

It was the first time she had admitted it out loud. She opened her eyes to see Owen staring at her. He didn't say anything further. He didn't need to.


	10. Chapter 10

"Lieutenant Kim," said Gaines. "Please tell us what happened when Voyager caught up to Equinox the second and final time."

Kim shifted slightly on the stand. "We immediately engaged them in battle. We were taking a real beating--our shield modulations were being transmitted to the Equinox by their EMH, though we weren't aware of it at the time. Our weapons and warp engines were down, we didn't even have impulse. Then Ransom hailed us, told us he was prepared to surrender but Burke had seized control of the ship."

"How did Captain Janeway react?"

"She didn't say anything at first," Kim said, "but she let him keep talking."

"Did the Captain suspect a trick?"

"Objection," Mendez said. "Was the witness privy to Captain Janeway's thoughts?"

"Allow me to rephrase," Gaines said. "Did Captain Janeway indicate by any act or word that she was suspicious?"

"I think so. It _was_ highly unexpected, after all," Kim said.

"Why was it unexpected? Was there a good chance Equinox would win the battle and would get away from Voyager for good? Or destroy Voyager?"

"I think so. We were in a pretty bad way. Of course, we had no idea what was happening on board the Equinox at that time."

"What happened next?"

"Captain Ransom asked that we take the Equinox crew--those that were still alive. Captain Janeway gave the order to beam them over."

Gaines looked suitably astonished. "After everything the Equinox--and Ransom--had just put you through, did Captain Janeway explain why she was willing to help? Or to even trust Ransom?"

Kim nodded. "She said, 'He's still a Starfleet Captain. He may have forgotten that for a while . . . but I believe him.'" 

"So the 'vendetta' was over?" Gaines asked.

"I think so," answered Kim. "We still ran into some problems--the aliens had their own ideas about letting the crew of the Equinox get away, plus Burke's own actions complicated matters--but she tried to get Ransom himself."

"'Get' him how, Lieutenant?" Gaines said, looking intently into the witness' eyes. "To punish him, or save him?"

"To save his life, of course," Kim said, a touch of surprise in his voice than anyone could think otherwise. "Captain Janeway repeated she was going to beam him out, but Ransom said his ship was about to explode and he needed to get some distance between them. Janeway told him to set auto-navigation and transport over, but he insisted he had no time."

"Was that the end of their exchange?"

"Ransom made her promise she'd get her crew--and his--home. And she did."

Gaines paused for a long moment, to give greater emphasis to his words. "So to summarize, far from seeking to kill or capture him, at the end, Captain Janeway tried to save Ransom."

"Yes," Kim said emphatically.

~*~

"Kathryn!"

Janeway looked up and saw Chakotay hurrying down the corridor toward her. She sighed impatiently. "What do you want, Chakotay? It's been a long day, I'm exhausted--"

"I need to talk to you."

Janeway continued walking. "I think we said everything that needs to be said--more in fact, than was necessary--the last time."

"Maybe so, but I want to know what's going on."

"What are you talking about?"

"There are rumors flying around HQ that you've been offered a deal," Chakotay said. "Resign, save the Fleet from further embarrassment, and they won't throw the book at you."

She stopped, and drew him into an alcove at the end of the hallway, away from the courthouse crowd waiting in front of the turbolift. "Not that it's any of your concern, but if I have?"

"You can't give up the fight, Kathryn--I don't want to stand by and see you go down like this."

In a detached part of her brain, Janeway found his attitude rather ironic, considering how vehemently he'd disagreed with the course of action for which she was being court-martialed. Aloud, she said, "There's no need for me to do anything. In case you haven't noticed, they're already crucifying me."

"All the more reason not to martyr yourself." 

Janeway forced a smile. "Well, we both know I have a history of doing just that." Abruptly, she leaned closer and said, "Why do you care?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you care what I do?" she repeated. "Or if I decide to change my plea to guilty. Everyone seems convinced that my actions were out of line--you were the first to tell me that--so why not just accept the inevitable?" 

"Because it's not right. You've always devoted yourself body and soul to Starfleet," Chakotay said tightly, "At the expense of any and all personal connections. You've given up so much already..." He looked away, clearly embarrassed by his outburst. "I'm afraid of what will happen if that's taken away from you as well. You'll be left with nothing." 

She stared at him incredulously, her mind refusing to accept what she'd just heard. "But you never agreed with me!" 

"No, I didn't," Chakotay said. She was suddenly very conscious of the fact his face was only inches from her own, his dark eyes boring into her. "But you seemed to feel that was the only way you could function out there in the DQ, and maybe it was. Regardless of whether I agreed or not, that's the way things were and are and there is no changing it now." His voice dropped lower. "I let you down then, and I have no intention of doing so again." 

"You let me down?" She shook her head. "Chakotay, if anything, you're the one who saved me. The only reason I _didn't_ kill Lessing is because you stopped me." 

"I should have stopped the whole thing much earlier," he said heatedly. "I should have seen how desperate you were and why, I should have come up with some alternate solution and not let it get anywhere that point. I should have insisted."

"You did insist," Janeway said. She passed her hand over her face wearily. "But I didn't listen."

"I was supposed to be there for you, supporting you, and I let you down. In this and so many ways."

Janeway turned away, unable to face the self-condemnation in his eyes. "I didn't make it easy for you." 

Chakotay gave a bitter laugh. "That's an understatement, but still, it was my job as first officer--and as your friend."

She looked at him for a long moment, touched by his unexpected concern. "Thank you." She cleared her throat. "So, as my friend, what do you think I should do? Change my plea to guilty, and hope they're still willing to grant me an honorable discharge?"

"You shouldn't martyr yourself, Kathryn," he said again. "Not if it's to save Starfleet. Only do this if you really believe that it's the right course of action for _you_. Because you accept that what you did all those years ago was wrong." He paused. "Do you?"

"I—"

"Listen to your conscience, Kathryn. No one else can tell you what to do." Chakotay's eyes met hers. "I know you'll make the right decision."


	11. Chapter 11

Noah Lessing was as quiet and soft-spoken as Janeway remembered. Not that she had had much contact with him over the years--even on a ship the size of Voyager it was possible, especially for the 'lower decks' personnel to avoid much contact with senior offices. Even during the occasional meeting in the turbolifts or Mess Hall, she did not recall ever exchanging more than a perfunctory word or two. Lessing, like the other former members of the Equinox crew, had kept his head down and his mouth shut, doing the work that was required of him, but never volunteering for more. It was as if he had wanted nothing more than to be invisible, and had very nearly succeeded in that ambition.

"A rebuttal witness," Gaines had said, when they had heard Mendez would be calling Lessing to the stand. "I should have expected this, after Mendez declined to cross-examine Lieutenant Kim." He gave a wintry smile. "We did a good job of exposing your 'vendetta' against Ransom for the flimsy bit of fiction it was. So she's going back to the foundation of the case, what _cannot_ be disputed: your actions against Lessing himself."

Janeway watched as Lessing, clad in the bright orange jumpsuit of a convicted felon, spoke about the events that day in the cargo bay. The conversation played itself out word for word; Lessing neither embellished nor omitted any of the details.

"Your witness," Mendez said, bowing her head graciously.

"Thank you." Gaines approached the witness stand.

"Mister Lessing," Gaines said. "What was the outcome of the recently concluded trial in which you and the other members of the 'Equinox Five' were listed as defendants?"

"We were convicted," Lessing said. A muscle in his jaw jumped.

"Of multiple counts of crimes genocide, the Crimes Against Sentient Life Forms Act?" 

"Yes."

"Referring specifically to your actions regarding the nucleogenic beings, the 'Spirits of Good Fortune', in the Delta Quadrant?"

"Yes," Lessing said. "For what we did to them."

"Those actions were at Captain Ransom's behest," Mendez interjected quickly. "Let the record show--"

"We've already established that the 'Equinox Five' were following orders," Gaines said, raising his voice. "But following the Nuremberg Precedent, you were convicted anyway, weren't you?"

Lessing looked down at his hands in his lap. "Yes, we were."

"What sentences were handed down?" Gaines asked, in a conversational tone.

"I received ten years at the penal colony on Omana Four."

"That's a medium security facility, isn't it?" At Lessing's nod, Gaines went on, "what about your fellow crew members? What sort of sentences did Angelo Tessoni, Brian Sofin, James Morrow and Marla Gilmore receive?"

"They all got 25 years to life."

Gaines looked surprised. "Why the difference?"

"Objection," Mendez said. "I fail to see the relevance of this line of questioning."

"The charges against Mister Lessing and the others were identical," Gaines said, "and yet the outcomes were not."

"Again, this is hardly relevant," Mendez said, before U'Tzedek could reply. "Regardless, it is hardly up to Mister Lessing to determine sentencing, or what was going through the minds of the judges."

"I suspect Mister Lessing knows exactly why his sentence was reduced," Gaines said. 

U'Tzedek looked from one attorney to the other. "I suspect I know where you're going with this, Captain Gaines, but be very sure that it _is_ relevant, and that your reasoning is based on solid facts as opposed to speculation."

Mendez's eyes flashed angrily, but she sat down without another word.

"Mister Lessing," Gaines said. "Why the difference? Was there anything that, say, Tessoni or Morrow did in regards to the aliens that you did not? Or some aspect of sabotage on Voyager that Gilmore committed that you did not? You _were_ on board Equinox with them all to the bitter end, weren't you?"

"No," Lessing said. "I was captured by the Voyager away team on the surface of the planetoid, during the battle."

"Which led to the events in the cargo bay for which we are here today!" Mendez said impatiently. "Admiral, this has gone on long enough--"

"Yes, the events in the cargo bay," Gaines interrupted. "During which time Captain Janeway interrogated you."

"When she tried to kill me!" Lessing said. 

"When she interrogated you for information on Captain Ransom's whereabouts and plans," Gaines said calmly.

"She tried to kill me," Lessing said again.

"Yes, so you stated in your official complaint," Gaines said. "Which was filed, coincidentally enough, shortly before the penalty phase of your own trial." Gaines leaned forward, his hands on the witness stand. "Tell me, Mister Lessing, why did you wait so long to press charges of attempted murder against Captain Janeway?"

Lessing gave him an incredulous look. "You mean I should have done it while we were still on board Voyager, back in the Delta Quadrant?" 

"I can understand the situation would be somewhat awkward," Gaines said.

"Not to mention the question of whether Mister Lessing could hope for any justice or any action whatsoever, with Captain Janeway in command," said Mendez. 

"Captain Mendez," U'Tzedek said warningly.

"I apologize, Admiral," Mendez said, not looking at all penitent.

"As a point of clarification," said Gaines, "Voyager was back for several months before you filed your complaint. The timing makes me wonder."

Mendez rose. "May I remind the members of the jury that the records clearly state that a Board of Inquiry was sifting through all of Voyager's records, including the official logs, for the first several months after the ship's return. Any evidence of wrongdoing on the part of Captain Janeway--or any of the other officers for that matter--would be bound to come to light eventually. As it is, several of Captain Janeway's command decisions--particularly those concerning possible Prime Directive violations--received a great deal of scrutiny."

"But none of them resulted in an article 32 hearing, let alone a court-martial," Gaines said. "In fact, most of the rulings clearing Captain Janeway in those matters came early on in the inquiry phase--specifically within the first six weeks after Voyager's return. And those were for much more complex issues than a charge of attempted murder."

U'Tzedek nodded. "Yes, the circumstances do appear curious. Mister Lessing, were you offered a deal in exchange for your cooperation in this matter?"

Mendez interrupted. "Admiral, even if true, I must again renew my protest that this is irrelevant. In an ordinary murder trial, the authorities manage to prosecute a defendant without testimony from the victim."

"But this is _attempted_ murder," Gaines said. "If Starfleet had chosen to prosecute without Mister Lessing's cooperation, they would have found themselves with a much weaker case."

"But a case nonetheless," Mendez said. 

U'Tzedek said, "Mister Lessing?"

Lessing said slowly, "I wasn't on board Equinox during the later battles; my attorney told me I had a good chance at getting some of the charges reduced, specifically the ones involving the attacks on a fellow Starfleet vessel."

"Were you offered a deal?" Gaines said with a hint of impatience.

"Not in so many words, but I got the impression if I testified against Captain Janeway, it would go better for me." Lessing then added, "Not that I needed much urging."

Gaines looked at him for a long moment. "So you were eager and willing to take the stand?"

"You bet I was," Lessing said. "She tried to murder me!"

"So you keep saying, Mister Lessing. But are you sure?"

Lessing looked at him as if he were crazy. "She sure as hell looked serious when she said she was going to let me die if I didn't talk."

"Let you die? How?"

"By exposing me to the creatures."

"Yes, the creatures you were using for fuel, at Ransom's behest," Gaines said. "Captain Janeway gave you a choice to help her, to once and for all reject the Equinox's actions, Mister Lessing, but you didn't take it."

"I wasn't going to betray Captain Ransom," Lessing said.

"Why not?" Gaines asked. "Why did Ransom deserve your loyalty? You knew full well what he was doing to the aliens, and further more, you knew it was wrong!"

"I had no choice but to go along with Captain Ransom and Commander Burke," Lessing protested. "It bothered me, but I had to follow orders!"

"Yes, that's why you helped kill the aliens, but why didn't you tell Captain Janeway where Ransom was so she could apprehend him? Why did you help sabotage Voyager instead of telling Janeway what was going on so she could stop it, especially if it 'bothered' you what you were doing? You _did_ have a choice, you could have stopped, but you didn't take it!" 

"Objection," Mendez said. "Mister Lessing is not the one on trial here."

"Sustained," U'Tzedek said. "Captain Gaines, be careful."

Gaines resumed. "By your actions, Mister Lessing, you showed you were still firmly on Ransom's side. Captain Janeway had no way of knowing that you were one of the 'good guys'; by refusing to talk, you showed her you were just like Ransom!"

Lessing shook his head.

"You were," Gaines said softly. "You were just as guilty as Ransom. And in your heart, you knew that one day you would have to pay for what you did. So when Captain Janeway threatened to expose you to the aliens, deep down, you knew it was just. Maybe you were even relieved, because this way it would finally stop--"

"No! I never wanted to kill anyone, I didn't. I was afraid--"

"Afraid of the aliens, or afraid what Ransom would do to you if he discovered you'd betrayed him?"

Lessing's face was shining with sweat. "If Rudy--or Max--ever knew--"

"They'd have killed you, wouldn't they?" pressed Gaines. "Just like they did to one or two of the others on Equinox who'd protested against the genocide, right? Just like they disabled the ethical subroutines on your EMH, so no one would stand in their way... You knew what they were capable of, and you were more afraid of them than you were of Captain Janeway."

Lessing nodded. "Voyager--Voyager wasn't a hard luck case like Equinox. They'd never been through the things we had, the Kraatorian Guard or--" he gulped. "Their ship was whole, they had food, supplies...Janeway wasn't driven to the edge like Rudy. She was soft, all of them were soft..." Lessing buried his head in his arms.

"So you really didn't think she was going to kill you, did you?" asked Gaines gently.

Lessing raised his face, streaked with tears. "No. I swear, I didn't think she'd have the guts to do it."

As soon as Gaines sat down, Janeway leaned over and spoke in an urgent whisper. "Call for a recess."

"Why?" Gaines said in surprise. "We've got momentum on our side now—"

"There's something you and I need to discuss."

"Can't it wait?"

"No," Janeway said. "It can't. I've waited long enough."


	12. Chapter 12

Mendez's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Captain Janeway," she said, quickly recovering. "This is certainly fortuitous. I was just about to contact Captain Gaines to set up a meeting, and here you are, with your counsel in tow. Please be seated, both of you."

Gaines smiled politely as he took a chair on the other side of the massive desk. Mendez's office, Janeway couldn't help noticing, was far more opulent and lavishly furnished than Gaines's own.

"Now, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Mendez asked.

"I take it you were going to contact us to offer us a deal," Gaines said.

"And you're here with a proposal of your own," Mendez said, nodding. "I'm listening."

"My client is willing to plead guilty to the charges of reckless endangerment and conduct unbecoming to an officer," Gaines said. "In return, the charge of attempted murder is dropped."

Mendez considered him coolly for a moment and then focused her attention on Janeway. "Assuming I decide to accept, you're not going to get off with a mere slap on the wrist, Captain." Turning back to Gaines, she added, "We're not just talking about an official reprimand. Your client is going to have to serve some time in prison."

"Probation," Gaines said, leaning forward. "Or a suspended sentence."

"Three years," Mendez said. 

"Eighteen months," Gaines said, "with the possibility of parole after two thirds of the sentence has been served."

"That's acceptable," Mendez said. "But she serves in a medium security facility."

"And I don't want you going after any of my crew in connection with the 'Equinox Incident'," Janeway, speaking for the first time. "I am solely responsible for what happened to Noah Lessing. No one else on Voyager should be held liable."

Mendez considered for a long moment. "Agreed."

Janeway did not allow herself to breathe a sigh of relief. "Now I'd like to discuss what happens after I serve my sentence."

"Afterward?" Mendez said, blankly. "What do you mean?"

Gaines frowned. "If you're speaking about your career in Starfleet, Kathryn, surely you realize that after a dishonorable discharge you can hardly reapply for reinstatement—"

"I want an honorable discharge," Janeway interrupted.

Mendez laughed. "Don't be ridiculous," she said. "Your actions hardly warrant any such consideration. I'm willing to drop the major charge, but that does not in any way take away from the magnitude of your crime."

"Alleged crime," Gaines said softly. "Come on, Sonia. You obviously aren't as sure of winning this case as you appear to be, or you would not have been working on a deal of your own. What we're offering is better than you could have hoped for. Captain Janeway is admitting her wrong-doing."

"Is she willing to do so at the court-martial, in a public statement to the jury?" Mendez asked.

Janeway swallowed. "Yes, I am."

Mendez nodded slowly. "Then we have a deal." She rose to her feet. "I'll inform Admiral U'Tzedek."

~*~

"I'm sure you'll be very glad to get the whole sordid business behind you as quickly as possible," Owen Paris said.

Janeway shifted in her seat in the Admiral's well-appointed office at Starfleet Headquarters. "Yes, I will be."

"Tell me, Kathryn, have you given any thought for your future?" 

"It's a bit premature to consider that, don't you think?" Janeway said.

Owen inclined his head. "I know the court-martial isn't over yet. After all, both sides have to present their closing arguments, but I'm sure that once the verdict comes in—"

"It is over, Owen," Janeway said. She told him of her deal with Mendez. "And so, sentencing is tomorrow."

The Admiral looked at her in disbelief. "But why? The whole tenor changed the last few days. The defense made a very strong case, punched holes in some of the main prosecution contentions. I don't understand why Gaines decided to take a deal _now_."

"As opposed to earlier?" 

"You had such a good chance of winning, Kathryn!"

Janeway slowly rose to her feet. "The last time we spoke, you told me to resign—was that only to avoid losing? Because you were afraid of my giving the Fleet a black eye?"

"That's not the point, Kathryn," he said, waving her words away.

"I think it is. Your whole emphasis was on avoiding embarrassment for Starfleet, that one of their esteemed captains-- _your_ protegee—could be found guilty of such reprehensible behavior. That's all you ever cared about. Not about justice, about right and wrong."

"I was also looking out for your best interests. As you are aware, _Captain_ , justice has different meanings under different circumstances," Owen said angrily. "I fail to see what justice is served by your going to prison—"

"I was wrong, Owen," she cut in sharply. "I deliberately put a man's life in danger, and so help me, I would have killed him if it weren't for the actions of my first officer."

His mouth tightened. "Kathryn, you don't deserve—"

"Yes, I do. I'm facing up to what I've done, the crimes—yes, crimes—I'm guilty of. One of the first rules of command is the captain must accept responsibility." She smiled, a bit sadly. "You taught me that, you know, when I served under you on my first shipboard assignment."

"I'm sorry." Owen rose as well. "There has to be something I can do. Perhaps I can put in a good word for you—"

"No," Janeway said firmly. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it's over." She took a deep breath. "After all these years, it's finally over."


	13. Chapter 13

One year later:

There was a hint of crispness in the air, befitting early autumn, though most of the trees in the park had not begun changing color yet.

Janeway took a deep breath. "It's a beautiful day," she said.

"Yes, it is," her companion said. "Fall has always been one of my favorite seasons."

"Really? I thought spring was."

"Fall, spring, summer, winter," said Chakotay, laughing. 

"Oh, you!" She punched his arm playfully. "I know what you mean, though."

Through the trees, glimpses of the surrounding city streets could be seen. This particular district of San Francisco hadn't been as badly hit during the war as other areas, but had still sustained sufficient damage. Now, a few years later, most of the affected buildings and structures had been restored; only a close examination—by someone with more than a passing familiarity with the way things had been—would reveal differences.

Time really did heal all wounds, Janeway thought. And not just those visible to the naked eye. She glanced at the tall man striding by her side, his dark hair—a bit longer and grayer than it had been on Voyager—blowing in the breeze.

"You started saying something about what you plan to do next?" Chakotay prompted her.

"Now that I'm a free woman once again?" Janeway said. "Phoebe invited me to visit, and this seems like the perfect time to do it. I'm looking forward to meeting her family." She paused. "I also want to see Noah Lessing, apologize to him personally. It's something I should have done long ago."

Chakotay nodded, but didn't comment further on that last point. "And then?"

Janeway stopped by a bench. "Do you mind if we just sit for a while?" She waited for his quick acquiescence and then answered his question. "It may be a long shot, but I've applied for reinstatement to Starfleet."

"I can't say I'm surprised," Chakotay said. "Still, I thought maybe you'd look beyond the service?"

"And do what?" she asked. "I recall your pointing out, quite accurately, Starfleet's been my whole life. What else could I do?"

"Scientific research, for one."

"I've been out of the loop too long," Janeway objected. "Even the advances in technology we brought back on Voyager—by now there's been ample time for further developments. It would be very difficult to try and catch up."

"There are any number of corporations and institutions that would be happy to hire you, regardless."

"For the sake of my name on their letterhead?" She added, a bit wistfully, "Not that I'd have any chance of that now, not as an ex-con."

"As a captain who stood up in what she believed in," Chakotay corrected her. "As an officer who wasn't afraid to admit wrongdoing and accept responsibility. You'd have a lot to offer."

"Which is another reason I want to go back to Starfleet," Janeway said gently. "Because I might be able to still make a difference."

Chakotay was silent for a moment. "Are they willing to take you?"

"I've heard unofficially that they're considering it. One of the reasons I pushed for an honorable discharge the first time around."

"Always looking ahead," he said with a smile.

"Though I admit sometimes my foresight has been sadly lacking."

Chakotay nodded. "So what else have they told you, unofficially, of course? What happens if they do take you back?"

"Most likely I'll be assigned to a slot in HQ."

Chakotay looked at her in surprise. "I can't see you behind a desk, Kathryn. I thought you'd be itching to go back in space again." 

"You're right," Janeway said. "However, I've been given to understand that it will be a long time, if ever, before I'm given another field command."

"I'm sorry."

"But there's a lot to be said for being on a planet," she said gamely, and closed her eyes and leaned back to feel the warmth of the sun on her face. "I'm going to enjoy it as much as I can."

"I can certainly understand that," he said. "And not just any planet, but specifically Earth."

She opened her eyes to see him gazing at her intently. "Voyager _was_ away for a long time, and then all the time I was in prison reinforced the feeling of absence even more. Being back here now--I want a sense of roots, Chakotay, of belonging somewhere, after being without it for so long."

Chakotay didn't say anything, just squeezed her hand comfortingly.

"And what about you?" she asked. "You've been very cagey when it comes to discussing your own plans."

"That's because so many things are still up in the air," Chakotay said. "Even after all this time. I've been teaching some courses at the Academy, but I don't really know if this is what I want to do with the rest of my life."

"What do you want? I mean, _really_ want?"

"Honestly? I've had some vague ideas of building a quiet cabin somewhere."

"On the edge of a desert, or maybe a forest?" she said with another smile, a genuine one this time. "Yes, I can see that. Any specifics as to which continent, or even which planet, you'll settle on?"

"Not really," he said quietly. "I haven't gotten past the preliminary, abstract thoughts."

"Well, you can't stray too far from civilization—it'd be kind of hard for both of you to continue with your careers if you did." Janeway watched the antics of some children romping with a dog a short distance away from where they were sitting. "What does Seven think of all this?"

"I'm not sure. I haven't discussed it with her."

It was Janeway's turn to look at him in surprise. "You haven't?"

"She's happy here, in San Francisco," he said finally. "Though it took a long time for her to get settled. Not just the anti-Borg sentiment she's encountered, but because she's still adapting to a changing world and trying to find her place in it. I don't think Seven was quite prepared for what was waiting for us when Voyager returned. Hell, _I_ wasn't, and I was born and grew up in this quadrant, had spent extended periods of time on Earth before." His eyes met hers. "We're still feeling our way, both of us trying to figure out what we want, but with Seven it's more complicated."

"I understand." Janeway watched him for a moment. "It's going to take time for everyone."

"It seems as though everyone from Voyager has scattered," Chakotay said after a pause. "Most of us clung together in the first year after our return, but now…hardly anyone is still on Earth."

"Just Tom and B'Elanna," Janeway said. "I spoke to the Doctor this morning, he's going to be setting up a new program in the medical applications of nanoprobe technology at the Cochrane University on Alphacent. He expects to be gone at least a year, maybe longer."

"It sounds like a good opportunity for him," Chakotay said. "But I know Seven is going to miss him terribly. He's helped her a lot, more than I have, I sometimes think."

His face was carefully expressionless, but Janeway saw a flash of pain in his eyes.

"Chakotay," she said quietly. "If you ever need someone to talk to, I want you to know I'm here."

"Thank you," he said and gave her hand another squeeze. "I mean it."

"You were certainly there for me, whether I appreciated it at the time or not." She smiled ruefully. "Whether I admitted I needed it or not."

Chakotay smiled as well. "You still need me, Kathryn. And I need you as my friend as well. It just took us a while to see it."

"We drifted apart over the years," Janeway agreed. "Not just after Voyager's return, but for a long time before. That's something else I've learned from the court-martial—not just acknowledging the consequences of my past actions, but the importance of taking a step back sometimes and reconsidering what my priorities are."

"I'm glad to hear it," he said, and stood, extending his hand to her. "What do you say we go get something to eat?"

She rose and tucked her arm through his. "You know, Chakotay, this looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship."


End file.
